Nellie

Have I told you about my Nellie?
Nellie the one-eyed mare,
Whose gait would jiggle my belly
And bruise up my posterior.

She was a bummer to look at,
Most often she leaned to the port.
With one eye the color of a rainbow,
And a left leg just a little bit short.

She swayed in the back like a croissant,
Her belly it dragged on the ground.
But Nellie was dear, to me as could be,
When I got her, here’s what I found.

Her heart was as big as a bucket,
'twas ever she wanted to play.
So I took her out to Nantucket
To a stallion that lived out that way.

Well she kicked him once on the fanny,
Then bit him real heard on the nose.
'twas then that I knew, there was nothing she wouldn’t dok
She whipped him right down to his toes.

Well, we couldn’t stay in Nantucket,
Nobody wanted us there.
So we wandered along to Pawtucket,
To take in the summer State Fair.

We got along fine on the first day,
Old Nellie seemed calm and serene.
Till along came a horse, whose one eye looked worse,
Right then old Nellie got mean.

She kicked the slats of her stanchion,
She caved in the side of the barn.
'twas only her way, of trying to play,
She really didn’t mean any harm.

Well, they took us to the edge of the city,
They told us to stay out of the there.
Oh, what a time I had with my Nellie,
Nellie the one eyed mare.

*****

Grandpa Don and I do not share the same fears. Even though this poem is just a made up silly poem, in real life Grandpa Don had a horse named Chubb. That's not my idea of a fun pet. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, some background.

There are three things in this world that terrify me. The first is falling from great heights. I'm fine in airplanes or hiking up a mountain that has wide paths and railings, it's the potential for falling that scares me. Watching someone being irresponsible at a cliffs edge makes my stomach turn.

The second thing that absolutely terrifies me is riding on a motorcycle. Every time I've been on a motorcycle I've been on the back, so I'm at the whim of whoever it is at the handle bars. "Lean into the turns," they always tell me. Well, what if I don't want to lean into the turns? It only gets me closer to the pavement rushing past.

Here's where my fears get relevant: the third thing that terrifies me is riding horses. Nellie would have terrified me! In a day and age where even if you don't have a car you can take public transportation anywhere, who in their right mind would ever decide to travel on a horse? They can weigh five times as you, their feet (which they kick at you if you startle them) are like rocks, and worst of all they have a mind of their own. If a horse decides it doesn't like me on its back, there's no way I'd be able to stay on. A five foot drop to the ground (probably head first) followed by a swift kick and a quick trample? No thanks, I'll take the bus.